English is the crazy language

[منى هلال]

English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. One in every 7 humans can speak it. More than half of the world's books and 3 quarters of international mail is in English. Of all the languages,it has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as 2 MILLION words. Nonetheless, let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb thru annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it? 0

[منى هلال]

English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. One in every 7 humans can speak it. More than half of the world's books and 3 quarters of international mail is in English. Of all the languages,it has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as 2 MILLION words. Nonetheless, let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb thru annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it? 0

[سمير الشناوي]

Thank u, Mona, for bringing us such an interesting topic. Yes , English , as all other languages , are full of inconsistencies. 0
Allow me to added more funny examples , ( http://www.english-zone.com/language/english.html)

1- If a firefighter fights fire, what does a freedom fighter fight

2-If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameful and shameless behavior the same

3-A hot cup of coffee. Here again the English language gets us in hot water. Who cares if the cup is hot? Surely we mean a cup of hot coffee. 0

4-Keep a stiff upper lip. When we are disappointed or afraid, which lip do we try to control? The lower lip, of course, is the one we are trying to keep from quivering. 0

I'm speaking tongue in cheek. So how can anyone understand you?



Regards
Sameer

[سمير الشناوي]

Thank u, Mona, for bringing us such an interesting topic. Yes , English , as all other languages , are full of inconsistencies. 0
Allow me to added more funny examples , ( http://www.english-zone.com/language/english.html)

1- If a firefighter fights fire, what does a freedom fighter fight

2-If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameful and shameless behavior the same

3-A hot cup of coffee. Here again the English language gets us in hot water. Who cares if the cup is hot? Surely we mean a cup of hot coffee. 0

4-Keep a stiff upper lip. When we are disappointed or afraid, which lip do we try to control? The lower lip, of course, is the one we are trying to keep from quivering. 0

I'm speaking tongue in cheek. So how can anyone understand you?



Regards
Sameer

[منى هلال]

شكراً على مرورك الكريم أخي سمير وعلى هذه الإضافات

The more you dig the more you find examples of this

Kind regards

Mona Helal

[منى هلال]

شكراً على مرورك الكريم أخي سمير وعلى هذه الإضافات

The more you dig the more you find examples of this

Kind regards

Mona Helal

[أحمد الأقطش]

سيدتي العزيزة منى هلال،،

لم تفارق الابتسامة شفتيّ وأنا أتجول في هذه المقالة الممتعة :)

ولكن حتى لا نظلم الإنجليزية وحدها، فإن مثل هذه الغرائب موجودة في شتى اللغات وإن بصور متنوعة.

خالص تقديري واعتزازي

[أحمد الأقطش]

سيدتي العزيزة منى هلال،،

لم تفارق الابتسامة شفتيّ وأنا أتجول في هذه المقالة الممتعة :)

ولكن حتى لا نظلم الإنجليزية وحدها، فإن مثل هذه الغرائب موجودة في شتى اللغات وإن بصور متنوعة.

خالص تقديري واعتزازي

[منى هلال]

سيدتي العزيزة منى هلال،،

لم تفارق الابتسامة شفتيّ وأنا أتجول في هذه المقالة الممتعة :)

ولكن حتى لا نظلم الإنجليزية وحدها، فإن مثل هذه الغرائب موجودة في شتى اللغات وإن بصور متنوعة.

خالص تقديري واعتزازي

أخي القدير الأستاذ أحمد

أسعدتني مشاركتك في هذا الموضوع

لكن يبدو أن للغة الإنجليزية نصيب الأسد من هذه الانتقادات اللاذعة :)

دمت طيباً أخي الكريم

مع خالص تحياتي

[محمد على حسن]

Thank you Ms Mona for such astonishing thread.
However , and without deviating from the thread aim , I think that indices is also used ; for example
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stock_market_index

[طارق آغا]

Assalam Alaykum,

Just like our brothers, I couldn't help it; the smile was while reading the nice & smart passage.

Thanks alot, it's funny & informative at the same time.

Kind regards,

[منى هلال]

Thank you Ms Mona for such astonishing thread.
However , and without deviating from the thread aim , I think that indices is also used ; for example
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stock_market_index


أخي الكريم محمد
شكراً على مرورك وعلى ملاحظتك
لقد مرت فترة طويلة منذ أن أدرجت هذا المقال. كلما قرأت هذه الجملة كلما تأكد لي أن هناك جزء مفقود منها - سأحاول البحث عن المقال الأصلي لإكمال الجزء الناقص.
الكاتب لا يعني أن كلمة indices تعتبر خاطئة في هذه الجملة لأنها ليست خطئا وملاحظتك صحيحة. ولكن كما قلت هناك بقية لهذه الجملة مثلها في ذلك كمثل:
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?0
لذلك
One index, 2 indices, so one ...[something].... is ... [something]
0

أرجو أن أتمكن من العثور على النسخة الأصلية لهذا المقال وموافاتك بالجزء الناقص.
لكن إن لم أعثر عليه فهذه هي إجابتي لك بمعنى أن كلمة indices في هذا السياق ليست خاطئة، ولكن الجملة التي بها ناقصة.

تحياتي وشكراً لك

[منى هلال]

Assalam Alaykum,

Just like our brothers, I couldn't help it; the smile was while reading the nice & smart passage.

Thanks alot, it's funny & informative at the same time.

Kind regards,


تحياتي لك أخ طارق آغا
سرني مرورك وتعليقك وسعدت باستفادتك من هذا المقال

مودتي

[ايمان حمد]

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

Indeed .why not ؟

Mona , you seem to be an expert in digging behind words

I saw a similar article about how potato may be written

I suggest that you combine all in one sticky thread

Members are invited to add to it whenever they find something relevant.

Thank U for cheering me up a bit

[ايمان حمد]

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

Indeed .why not ؟

Mona , you seem to be an expert in digging behind words

I saw a similar article about how potato may be written

I suggest that you combine all in one sticky thread

Members are invited to add to it whenever they find something relevant.

Thank U for cheering me up a bit

[منى هلال]

شكرا ً على مرورك وتعليقك أختي أيمان

أما بالنسبة للـ sticky thread فأعترف أني لا أعرف ما هو ولا كيف يتم تجميعه.

شكراً على الاقتراح على العموم.

I am glad my topic cheered you up

my kind regards

Mona Helal
منى هلال

[منى هلال]

شكرا ً على مرورك وتعليقك أختي أيمان

أما بالنسبة للـ sticky thread فأعترف أني لا أعرف ما هو ولا كيف يتم تجميعه.

شكراً على الاقتراح على العموم.

I am glad my topic cheered you up

my kind regards

Mona Helal
منى هلال