الأخ العزيز سمير الشناوي
مع احترامي الشديد للدكتور دنحا فإنني اختلف معه في معنى كلمة "الطيف". لأنني لم أجد في أي مصدر لهذه العبارة المعنى الذي اقترحه.
فعبارة "الطيف" تعنى ,ghost, vision, apparition, phantom, specter
أما عبارة image التي اقترحها فلها عدة معاني ليس من بينها معنى "الطيف" مثل:
(تمثال، صنم، ايقونة، صورة، مثال، عنوان، رمز الخ).
طبعاً أستاذنا الجليل له باع طويل في الترجمة الأدبية ولا بد أنه قد مر على نماذج أدبية تساند اقتراحه.
فإذا كان للدكتور دنحا مصدر آخر يوثق معنى "الطيف" بالشكل الذي اقترحه فليأتنا به لعلنا نستفيد.
أما إذا كان قد تكلم مع الشاعر فهمس في إذنه بأن عبارة "الطيف" تعني كما اقترحها هنا فليس لي إلا التراجع عن سؤالي.
مع بالغ التقدير والاحترام لك وللدكتور دنحا.
سامي خمو
و من معاني shadow ايضا
apparition: something existing in perception only; "a ghostly apparition at midnight
trace: an indication that something has been present;
A supernatural being, such as a ghost: apparition, bogey, bogeyman, bogle, eidolon, ghost, phantasm, phantasma, phantom, revenant, shade, specter, spirit, visitant, wraith. Informal spook. Regional haunt. See beings, supernatural.
انتم رائعون يا اهل واتا
«®°·.¸.•°°·.¸¸.•°°·.¸.•°®»"رَبَّنا آتِنا فى الدُّنيا حَسَنةً، وفى الآخرةِ حَسَنةً، وقِنا عَذابَ النَّارِ"«®°·.¸.•°°·.¸¸.•°°·.¸.•°®»
حبيبي سامي.
أرهقتني في البحث، يا رجل. هل تتكلم عن مصادرك القاموسية؟ تبا لها، كما ذكرت في مداخلاتي السابقة. أنت أعظم منها، وأعظم ممن يتحدث باللغة الإنجليزية في الشارع الإنجليزي. أنهم جهلة بكل معنى الكلمة في لغتهم. لا أريد الإصرار على ما ذهبت اليه، وإن وجدت في بحثي الألكتروني ما يرضي تساؤلك. ساعدني في البحث وادخل على جوجل بحثا عن: women as images in poetry ، أو ما يقاربها من معان.
محبتي
دنحا
استاذنا الفاضل د. احمد شفيق
اولا : embrace the memory of
لقد قرات كثيرا هذه العبارة وهي تذكر في العديد من المناسبات وهي تعني تذكر شخص ما " embrace the memory of Kennedy "
وهل لو استخدمت memories تحدث فرقا :
Our memories and love you still embrace
لازلت تحتضن ذكرياتنا و حبنا
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Thinking time rendered me a change
انت محق تماما
ما رايك في
Thinking time has got me changed
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And a spring of passion I have earned!
Tenderness كما ترجمتها لاحقا.
اوافق - جاري التغيير
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And away shipped the mast
استخدمت هنا mast للتعبير figuratively عن السفينة ، و قصدت برحيل السفينة -- رحيل الحبيبة
ولو لازلت لا تراها مناسبة
فساقوم بتغيرها الى
our love was never meant to last
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And its beauty's mirth.
Knockout women
اشعر ان الاولى more poetic مقارنة ب Knockout women حتى لو اختلف المعنى ، وان الاولى اقرب الى القاريء الاجنبي ، فضلا عن شموليتها.
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Yet, rhymes and rhythms are my own,
rhymes and meters
اوافق جاري التعيير
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secrets depart،
اوافقك تماما
لكني اشعر انها تنقل المعنى ، واشعر ان الشعر قد يتيح لنا خلق collocations جديدة--- كما يمكن تخريحها على انها personification لكلمة اسرار.
مع خالص تقديري وفي انتظار زيارتك مرة اخرى للتعقيب
سمير الشناوي
الأستاذ الفاضل الدكتور دنحا المحترم،
آسف على ارهاقك كما ارهقت نفسي.
ولكن هذا هو الذي جنيناه على أنفسنا عندما اخترنا
هذه المهنة الشاقة. البحث عن معاني المصطلحات
ومقارتنها وتدقيقها من متطلبات الترجمة.
مع بالغ التقدير والاحترام،
سامي خمو
جهد طيب ومبارك ..
وبارك الله في الأخوة المشاركين في الترجمة ..
كما أن الشاعر خميس صاحب حس شعري مميز ..
نتمنى للجميع مزيد من التميز ..
I read the poem in Arabic and the translating
Well I hate to tell you I do not like what u have done for one reason
Either you stick to the meaning or u create a new poem just to make it rhyme
My friend modern poetry does not follow the classic rules
This is one thing and another thing ..you are a very good translator I can applaud you
So make up ur mind
Do u want to translate the poem with rhyme or not
If yes, then I will edit it
But if u want to stick to the meaning and to keep the images without thinking of the rhyme, sure this is something different now
So tell me what u decide and I will do it for a good and dear friend
Munir Mezyed
These are my objections
Your shadow is still in place
Your spectrum is still in place
Over-clouding my face,
shedding its shadow over my face
"Tread no more into my world
Our memories and love you still embrace
Your spectrum is still in place
saying "do not draw nigh,
You still remember and in love with me
If time lingered, you'd return back to me...
while thinking that time has changed me
Good night
I promise u
i will do what i could
munir mezyed
My friend sameer
U are a very good translator
I told u
But I am a poet ..English poet….this what makes us different
U have to feel and sense it …
Trust me I live in poetry…I have over 3000 poems
And my poetry books are sold here more than bread in the Arabs world
I will Do what i could to help
good night
let meLet me just whisper in ur ears
The English professors can not believe that an Arab writing such poetry in English
Most of American poets send me their poems to look at and give them advices
Alhumodllah
U will also be surprised most of my readers are Filipinos
Thousands of e mail I got daily from Filipinos students who want to write about my poetry
Good night
Dear brother Samir
See if u like it
U know, Samir, I simply can say, you read so much English classic poetry, especially John Keats…to be honest with u …if someone gave me this poem to read for the first time I’d think it was written by John Keats….i will explain to u why I do not
Over-clouding...it sounds heavy on the ear
Shedding …is more poetic
Next week I will try to send u my small dictionary for poetic words
Such as
Before….ere
Morning….morn
Mountain…mount
Poetry…poesy
These words were mostly used in poetry
Your phantom is still in the place
shedding its shadow over my face
as I come back again
Appeasing my trembling heart
And letting my secrets depart.
Your spectrum is still in place
Saying :"Tread no more into my world
Our memories and love you still embrace
If time had lingered, you'd have returned...
Thinking time has gotten me changed
And a spring of tenderness I 've earned
Nay, time is not yet nearby
Springs of love have turned dry,
Let me live and try not
To set back the tickling clock.
Into decay, knocking out the past
And away shipped the mast."
To the words of this cowardly shadow
I mumbled, paying no heed:
"Love is much ado,
My freedom is what I need,
more precious than earth
And its beauty's mirth.
Love is much ado,
Still, I have my golden sword,
With dazzling pearls adorned.
Love is much ado,
Yet, rhymes and rhythms are my own,
to my presence, audience is drawn.
Mine is the velvet carpet,
I'm the king with my instrument,
The Scepter, crown and throne.
Love is much ado,
Me, it may sting,
That's never an easy thing!
O my love, it is time to step aside
Let my passionate fire subside
And shed the smoke its night.
Whatever fate is to bring,
I am here, the violin king.
Wherever I go, fame is my prize.
I have all but on the stage to rise,
Between my fingers and the string
A chant of kindness to sing.
Into oblivion my love you should sink
And die, nothing will forth you bring."
Rising on the stage
Amid applause beyond gauge,
The king tried to hold
His bow and cord.
But his hands did shiver,
Betraying him hither.
From his chair he fell,
Fainted in the festival.
"What went wrong?" people yelled
Happened what to the violin king,
Falling in a moment with a broken wing?"
An answer in the air did echo:
"The violin may sing to whom?"
Said a passing shadow,
With shining tears of gloom.
so i did not change much...
Munir
Dear brother Munir:
yes, I liked it so much
It is a great honor for me to have such a creative english poet revising and editing my poem. I will post it on my ego wall.
Yes , you have introduced a few changes but really of valuable importance.
Thank u is not enough, but at least accept this :fl
Sameer.
I am so happy that u liked it
It is ur work my brother and u ought to be proud pf it...allow me sir, to publish this poem in Europe and usa…signed by ur name of course.
And I will send this poem to a very important Romanian poetry magazine to have it in English and Romanian
Take care
المفضلات